Near Death
by Lady Kathryne
Summary: A series of events leads Bella and Embry to one another.
1. Chapter 1

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**Title**: Too Close

**Suggested Listening:** Pain- Three Days Grace

**Rating**: M- implied suicide attempt

**Pairing**: Bella/ un-named wolf (yet)

**Genre**: angst

**Disclaimer**:

All characters and known situations belong to their respective owners. Everything else came from my own mind. In no way shape or form have I made or intended to make a profit from this story…. All rights still belong to Stephenie Meyer…

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He watched her as she slept. The rhythmic rise and fall of her chest each time the breath left her lungs gave him a small measure of comfort. He'd kept her secret hidden from their friends as asked. He'd watched her every day for weeks, knowing deep down she'd been getting progressively more careless as her inner demons tormented her mind.

She hadn't seen him watching as she'd dragged the soulless monster she'd called her only true friend roughly across her skin. The cold metal left her gorgeous porcelain skin marred and torn open. Her very life source seeped from the wound, racing freely down her arm to drip from her fingers and gather in a pool on the floor- dark red and taunting him to save her before she gave her final breath to the world.

She could hate him after she woke up.

At least she'd still have her life.

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**Author's Note:**

So… the angst bunnies are swarming again. And I was already told by my twin I'm not allowed to kill anyone who isn't a Cullen…. Which TECHNICALLY… she IS… just not here in these stories… and not in my head… ;)

Anyways… this is the first of ten…. They're angst-y… and a few are really short like this one… some are long… but they will end on a happy note…. Yeah… I'm done. Lemme know what y'all think…


	2. Chapter 2

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**Title: **Learned Secrets

**Suggested Listening:** Send The Pain Below- Chevelle

**Rating: **T

**Pairing: **no pairing yet… just an un-named wolf

**Genre: **angst

**Disclaimer**:

All characters and known situations belong to their respective owners. Everything else came from my own mind. In no way shape or form have I made or intended to make a profit from this story…. All rights still belong to Stephenie Meyer…

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They watched him with a growing interest. He'd been too preoccupied lately. At first they'd been angry. Then they had worried. They finally guessed a girl had stolen his attention. What else would keep him from the Taj and his best friends? The other option wasn't a pleasant one, and they didn't want to think that he'd fallen back on his promise to them. He'd stopped coming by after school weeks ago and the only time they talked anymore was during lunch -**if** he even responded.. They admitted to him the Taj wasn't the same without him.

He'd apologized and left everything else unsaid.

It had been only after they'd caught him busting the skin of his knuckles open- and subsequently breaking his hand- against the trunk of a large oak that they learned he had indeed had his attention stolen by a girl. The same girl who lay entirely too still because of medicine to make her sleep in a hospital bed. He confessed he'd saved her life after she'd tried to end it and didn't know what to do to help her.

They apologized for not realizing the amount of pain he'd kept inside- again- and promised to be better friends and visit Bella. It sounded like she needed more friends too.

His friends couldn't help but notice the battle that raged behind his brown eyes. It was a war against his own demons that lay festering in the dark recesses of his mind. With a tired sigh, they sat together in the emergency room of the same hospital where their friend slept. At least for now, he'd stay in control of his pain… force it down and dwell on it later.

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	3. Chapter 3

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**Title: **Consequences

**Suggested Listening:** Burn It Down- Linkin Park

**Rating: **T

**Pairing: **Bella/ un-named wolf

**Genre: **angst

**Disclaimer**:

All characters and known situations belong to their respective owners. Everything else came from my own mind. In no way shape or form have I made or intended to make a profit from this story…. All rights still belong to Stephenie Meyer…

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She sighed and stared out at the dancing drops of rain, falling from the opposing dark grey clouds like tears from the spirits. They'd spent a week waiting. One week.

She'd woken to find herself strapped to wires and monitors and for a moment, she'd panicked. The nurse had told her she was alright. She'd said she was alive. In her heart, she'd been happy. In her head, she was livid. She'd spent an hour alone ranting and raving at him when he'd come to see her. He'd taken it all without complaint.

Now, the silence lay thick between them, gripping around them with its oppressive claws.

He watched her thumb the newest scar. The newly stitched skin protested slightly, sending small jolts of pain to her already protesting nerves. The pain in his eyes drew her attention from her scar and forced him to look away. He didn't need to make her feel guilty. It wasn't his intention.

She sighed again. "You should have let me go."

"It wasn't an option, Bella."

She eyed him for a length of time. "Is it now?"

"Not even a possibility."

Their friends stood in the doorway, quietly watching the two. They weren't aware of anyone else around them as they talked. He laughed and she cried. For just a while, the consequences of her actions didn't matter to anyone. Not to the nurses on call, not to the doctor on the floor, not to the therapist assigned to her case and especially not to them. She wasn't held a prisoner in the mental health ward of the hospital. She wasn't deemed suicidal by family and friends. She didn't have anything wrong.

For just a little while.

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	4. Chapter 4

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**Title: **Breaking Again

**Suggested Listening:** Castle Of Glass- Linkin Park

**Rating: **T

**Pairing: **Bella/ Un-named wolf

**Genre: **angst

**Disclaimer**:

All characters and known situations belong to their respective owners. Everything else came from my own mind. In no way shape or form have I made or intended to make a profit from this story…. All rights still belong to Stephenie Meyer…

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Therapy.

Her father had insisted she talk to someone. He blamed himself for failing her so badly. She still didn't see the point in talking. Instead, she sat and stared. She listened as the older woman spoke to her. She took everything in, and at the end of the session, she left.

The same routine for a month. One day a week. Two hours long. She sat, she listened, and then she left.

Today things changed.. instead of talking, she handed Bella a folder. Clipped inside, pages sat, waiting to be read.

Her friends had written her letters. She'd not expected that at all.

Lauren. Wow.. She must have something snarky to say. Jessica, Mike, Eric, Tyler, even Angela had taken the time to write words of encouragement. She mused that in a small town, everyone now knew that she'd tried to end her life. She couldn't tell them all that she'd felt so out of touch with herself that she'd wanted it to end. She missed her mom, she missed the sun, she just wanted it to end.

The tears pooled in her brown eyes for the first time since therapy had started. When they'd gathered all they could hold, crystalline drops rolled down her cheeks making slow tracks down her face. Save for a quiet sniff here and there, Bella sat silent.

"I can't do this."

Her therapist smiled. "What can't you do?"

"Sit here and pretend. Things aren't fine. I don't have friends anymore. These people don't really care if I died."

Perceptive mind reader should have been her title instead of therapist. Before she could protest, the last three letters in the folder were put into her hands.

Her three best friends.

One more letter followed those.

Her father.

Another after that lay on the growing pile for her to see.

Billy. Her godfather.

"It seems to me, they would miss you a great deal."

She thumbed through them, reading their words. The whispers in her head grew louder, the poisonous words of the demons had begun to spread a new plague over her mind as they festered in her head. Doubt. Pain. Loneliness. Unworthiness.

"I don't want to crack again."

"Then let us help you."

With her mind made up, her head quieted.

For now.

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	5. Chapter 5

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**Title**: Whispers

**Suggested Listening:** Crawling- Linkin Park

**Rating**: T

**Pairing**: Bella/ Un-named wolf

**Genre**: angst

**Disclaimer**:

All characters and known situations belong to their respective owners. Everything else came from my own mind. In no way shape or form have I made or intended to make a profit from this story…. All rights still belong to Stephenie Meyer…

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New awareness. New routine. New people.

Lost friends. Lost habits.

Same lost girl on the inside.

She'd been fighting the voices of self-hatred, doubt, fear, loneliness, and, unworthiness for a long while on her own. Now with new people to help her she'd started to finally get better.

Not completely. Wasn't a start a start? The temptation was always just around the corner of her mind, festering inside, wanting to break free of the meek iron bars it had been jailed into. Her still fragile mind fought to ignore the whispers, fixating instead on the routines she'd been following day in and day out. It helped. Only just.

It didn't change much of herself on the inside even if she had changed on the outside. No more lanky hair. No more skeleton body. No more dull eyes. Still pale, but no longer a ghost.

_ Weak. _

"Not anymore."

_ Ugly._

"I'm not now."

_ Stupid._

"Maybe once."

_ Unloved._

"You're wrong."

_ Scarred._

Her arms lay bare for her eyes to see, her skin a map work of faint white lines. Truth of her minds words rang inside her head and for a moment, just one, she gave in.

Another mark. Another doubt. Another fear. Another battle lost.

He sighed when he saw her again. He'd find a way to help her silence the demons. He knew she could it. She just had to believe she could do it too. In time.

Only in time.

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	6. Chapter 6

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**Title**: Doubt

**Suggested Listening:** Bother- Stone Sour

**Rating**: T

**Pairing**: Bella/ Embry

**Genre**: angst

**Disclaimer**:

All characters and known situations belong to their respective owners. Everything else came from my own mind. In no way shape or form have I made or intended to make a profit from this story…. All rights still belong to Stephenie Meyer…

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It always rained anymore. Bella sighed as she watched it falling. She loved and hated the way the water danced down to the grass from the oppressive grey clouds in the sky. Tears of angels; her mother had told her when she'd been a little girl the rain drops were tears of angels. Any time it rained, another soul had been welcomed by them. The angels cried for those left living.

A hand on her shoulder drew her from the cliff edge of her morbid thoughts. Embry. His handsome face fell into her life of sight as he sat beside her on the couch. She'd once screamed that she hated him for saving her life. He'd only hugged her until she'd stopped crying. His quiet, easy going presence coupled with his calm demeanor had pulled her from the edge of her insanity more times now than she cared to count.

"Want to talk?"

"About?" She admitted she thought him sweet for trying, but sometimes she wished he wouldn't try so hard. He didn't need to waste his time.

"Anything." He knew what she'd been thinking, even as they talked. Clear as day, he could see it in her eyes. He tried anyways. He didn't want her falling again after she'd risen so far already.

"Where's Jake?"

"In the Taj. Old Quil's neighbor needed new breaks. He's doing it for half of what the guy in Forks charges."

"And Quil?"

The silence in the house was broken by their friend in questions loud, off pitch voice. "NARWHALS, NARWHALS SWIMMING IN THE OCEAN! CAUSING A COMMOTION 'CAUSE THEY ARE SO AWESOME!"

Embry winced. "Helping Sue."

"He's… helping?"

"Why not? Sue's doing a lot. So we offered to help. Jake vacuumed earlier before he left. I dusted. Sue is doing laundry and she's got a roast in the oven. Loudmouth in there is cleaning dishes and mopping."

She sighed. "I'm sorry."

Embry frowned. He hadn't meant to make her feel bad. "Hey, don't worry about it. You're healing. It will take time to get set into your routines."

She scooted closer to hug him. She'd never been decent with her words. What she couldn't say, she showed him instead. Gratitude, friendship… love.

They sat in the quiet again, watching the rain fall and hit the glass of the windows. He wanted to tell her how he felt about her. He wanted to gather her into his arms and never let go. He needed to find a way around her depression first. The monsters in her head still told her she was useless. He needed to show her she wasn't.

Challenge accepted.

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	7. Chapter 7

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**Title**: Memories

**Suggested Listening:** Broken- Seether

**Rating**: T

**Pairing**: Bella/ Embry (mainly Embry)

**Genre**: angst

**Disclaimer**:

All characters and known situations belong to their respective owners. Everything else came from my own mind. In no way shape or form have I made or intended to make a profit from this story…. All rights still belong to Stephenie Meyer…

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The tears fell from his eyes as he sat facing his window. He'd had another nightmare again. His fingers traced the tiny scars along his wrist. He normally wore a wrist cuff to avoid the stares of pity he saw, but here, in the dark, in the empty room, his scars were evident for the night to see.

His door opened to show the worried face of one of his best friends. Jake had stayed the night after he and Quil found him near the cliffs. Things at home were getting rough again and he'd not said a word.

"You alright? I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"Light." He warned and turned the small bedside lamp on while shielding his tired eyes.

"No. I had a really shitty dream."

Jacob frowned. "Are they coming back?"

"Maybe… this whole thing with Bella… should I tell her…" He held his wrist up.

"It's on you to tell her or not Em… you know where Quil and I stand though. I just don't want to lose either one of you. Quil would be pissed too."

Embry sighed and ran his hand through his hair and sighed deeply. If his friends hadn't found him that day…

Four times they'd saved him. Four times they'd pulled him away from death's icy grasp and the promise of an eternal bed of earth and decay. Four times they'd told him he wasn't alone. He wasn't worthless like _she_ claimed. He **had** friends.

"You never told me… how'd you know?"

Jacob raised an eyebrow. "About?"

"You and Quil found me after I swallowed the bottle of my mom's sleeping pills. How'd you know?"

Jacob sighed. His eyes watered over thinking about it still. "Chick moment aside? You'd avoided us for a long time. We got pissed and went by your house. We heard everything she said… when she went to work… we just wanted to make sure you were alright… dammit! Don't make me think about that shit… your mom is a bitch."

"She's the only family I have."

Jacob nudged his arm. "You have me and Quil."

"Yeah… I guess I do, huh." He chuckled some.

He nodded. "Now go the hell to sleep. Enough of the chick moments!"

Embry laughed. The loneliness receded again and he nodded. He didn't feel the desperate need to open old wounds. He wasn't so damaged anymore. His friends had seen to that.

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	8. Chapter 8

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**Title**: Almost There

**Suggested Listening:** Boulevard of Broken Dreams- Green Day

**Rating**: T

**Pairing**: Bella/ Embry

**Genre**: angst

**Disclaimer**:

All characters and known situations belong to their respective owners. Everything else came from my own mind. In no way shape or form have I made or intended to make a profit from this story…. All rights still belong to Stephenie Meyer…

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The rare sunlight held her in it's comforting grasp and caused the ghost of a smile to grace her lips. The beach they walked on soothed her spirit. She'd been restless. Her routines had become engraved in her head. Second nature, her therapist had told her. She'd not said they'd spiral her into a new kind of depression.

Wake up. Eat. Brush teeth. Get dressed. Go to school. Go to work. Cook. Do homework. Clean. Take a shower. Brush teeth. Go to bed.

She felt trapped anew.

Embry had seen it. He'd pulled her out of the house- with some force- because of it. She'd needed this break before the insanity consumed her mind and awakened the sleeping disease within her thoughts. He didn't need to be told she was grateful. He just knew.

"You alright?"

She smiled. "I dunno… I'm still not all together… but…" She shrugged.

He nodded. "Still better than before."

"Yeah…" She sighed and wrapped her arm around his waist as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

To anyone watching they were an age old couple, completely in tune with the other. No one knew they'd come together because of a near disaster that may have ripped her from the world. Both of them battled things in their minds each day without their friends really understanding. They'd learned to lean on one another and their friends for support, but there were times they still felt very alone.

Shouts from behind them caused the two to stop and turn to whoever had interrupted their peacefulness. Jacob and Quil had seen them walking on the beach. Bella smiled and leaned into Embry's side as they waited for the two to catch up. He smiled and hugged her a little closer. When they'd caught up, the four continued to walk, the pace slow and the silence friendly.

Jacob finally nudged them into the shade of the trees lining the beach. He watched as Bella sat close to Embry, her head on his shoulder. They'd sat like that before, but now it seemed different.

"You two seem… I dunno… different." Quil frowned, trying to find the right word for what he wanted to say.

Jacob nodded. "Happier."

"Yeah… that works!" Quil agreed.

Embry shrugged. "Maybe."

Bella smiled. "Maybe." She echoed.

She could live with happier.

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	9. Chapter 9

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**Title**: Truth

**Suggested Listening:** Boulevard Of Broken Dreams- Green Day

**Rating**: T

**Pairing**: Bella/ Embry

**Genre**: angst

**Disclaimer**:

All characters and known situations belong to their respective owners. Everything else came from my own mind. In no way shape or form have I made or intended to make a profit from this story…. All rights still belong to Stephenie Meyer…

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He'd found her newest wounds. He'd learned her dirty secret. She'd found her blades and had given into the whispers calling for pain and blood. Her quiet hiss of protest as the fabric of her hoodie had pulled over her arms had alerted him that something was wrong. Once the sleeves had been brushed up her arms, the tears of shame fell down her face.

She'd had a moment of weakness. She'd been too weak to stop herself.

Embry sighed. He understood. More than she thought he would.

He removed the wrist cuff and showed her his arm. Their eyes met and a newfound understanding filled her. He did know. He got it. He actually saw her… knew her pain. He hadn't just said it to be polite.

"When?"

He sat with his back to her bed and rested his arms on his bent knees. "It was before you moved back. My last attempt actually. The worst of them I think. Another minute… anyways… I know. It never goes away."

She sighed and slid off the end of her mattress to sit beside him. Her head found its way to his shoulder and they sat in the comforting silence for a few more minutes. She felt relieved that someone knew what it was like. Misery indeed loved company after all.

The voices of those harmful demons inside were muted for a little while with his revelation. She wasn't cured, but the need had been oddly soothed by his admission.

Her endless abyss seemed less deep now.

"Thank you Embry."

He smiled. "Anytime, Bells. Anytime."

His arm snaked around her waist in a friendly hug. He then helped her up and together they made their way down the steps. He held the front door open until she was through, then closed it softly behind him.

They'd kept their friends waiting long enough.

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	10. Chapter 10

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**Title**: New Starts

**Suggested Listening:** All Around Me- Flyleaf

**Rating**: T

**Pairing**: Bella/ Embry

**Genre**: angst

**Disclaimer**:

All characters and known situations belong to their respective owners. Everything else came from my own mind. In no way shape or form have I made or intended to make a profit from this story…. All rights still belong to Stephenie Meyer…

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One year.

Bella sighed and crossed another day off of her calendar. A whole year had passed so quickly after she'd nearly spent her last breath. She'd learned she wasn't as alone as she thought she'd been. She had lost a few friends. Lauren and Jessica, it turned out, had written her letters only after her dad had talked to them at the school. He'd said he thought they were friends.

No wonder they weren't… friendly. They'd lacked feeling. She could say they were almost clinical. And after she'd gone back to school they'd stopped talking all together. She didn't mind in the slightest. She had made it through the rest of the year managed to ignore every barb, every joke made and every rumor started about her by the blonde. It eventually lost its humor and she'd gone back to being the sour puss the school knew and loved.

She sighed and hung her uniform up. The last of her laundry had been folded and put away just in time for-

"Bella! The guys are here." Charlie called up the stairs. He'd been both pleased and slightly upset that she wouldn't be leaving in the fall for college.

She'd graduated in the top ten percent of her class- even with the problems- and had signed up to take a few on-line classes in the upcoming semester. She wanted her prerequisites out of the way so she could move right into her chose degree- teaching.

She smiled and grabbed her hoodie. She'd stolen it from Embry after their second date. He'd finally worked up the nerve to ask her only four months earlier. She couldn't have been happier with him asking her though.

"Hey guys." She greeted Jake and Quil with a hug each before turning to Embry. Their lips met briefly before Bella turned to her dad. "I'll be back later tonight, ok?"

Charlie smiled. "Bells… you're 19. You don't have a curfew anymore… remember?"

"Yeah, I know." She shrugged. "Bye dad."

He sighed and watched from the window as she climbed into Embry's truck. She'd helped him find the job to buy it and had encouraged him to keep said job even when she learned the manager happened to be a racist piece of dirt on the bottom of her shoe not even worth the energy it would take to scrub him away. Her words exactly.

Bella had definitely come a long way. She held Embry's hand as they drove to Port Angeles. A new movie they'd been wanting to see had finally hit the theatres. The entire drive, she stayed quiet. Once they'd parked, Embry turned and handed his money for their tickets to Jacob and promised they'd be inside within ten minutes.

Once they were alone, he reached over, cupped her cheek with one hand and gave her a brief yet, sweet kiss. He brushed a strand of hair behind her ear and then kissed the tip of her nose.

"What was that for?" She grinned at his affectionate gesture.

He returned her grin. "Just my way of keeping you here with me."

"I didn't leave. I was only thinking." She promised.

He smirked. "Isn't that a little dangerous for you?"

"HEY!"

He laughed when she batted playfully at his shoulder before getting out of the truck. He raced around to her side and opened her door. He held his hand out to her to help her down, but frowned when she stayed put.

Bella crossed her arms over her chest, pretending to be upset with him for his comment. She turned her head to the side slightly and ignored his hand.

"Bells…" He pouted but grinned when her lips twitched, fighting off a smile.

She squeaked when he dragged her out of the truck, giggling when he held her in his arms with her feet dangling just off the pavement. He set her on her feet, pressing his forehead lightly against hers and stared into her eyes.

"Hi." He grinned.

She giggled. "Hi yourself, Em." She smiled and closed her eyes, relaxing into his embrace. She still had moments of doubt. Moments of weakness. But this time was different. She knew he'd be there now.

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